Is it dark?

mood: bouncy

i just ate the BEST shrimp ever in my entire life.
fuck yes.
thank you outback!

Posted at 07:22 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 2 comments | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: gloomy

music: I need you to pretend that we're in love again

Welcome to the life of Kim Blocher's ranting at 10 at night.




Life's been alright. I'll be driving soon, working, making money, and being with the people who I love to be around. There is something missing though. There's always something missing. A void that should be filled..needs to be filled. It's funny how when you are trying to forget something, your mind just focuses on all of the good things that happened, never the negatives. It makes it so much harder to forget and get over. I think and over analyze way too much. I know I've said this before. Those are two flaws that I would love to change for good. A lot of shit will happen in your life that you wish you could change, but you know that you can't. Friends will come and go, loves will be lost, and you will change. This is really just one small part in my life that has ended. Just one small part. There's so much more out there. I still have a long way to go. This hasn't killed me, but I don't feel any stronger of a person either. Sometimes I wish that I could go back, but I know I can't. I don't know what I feel anymore. Sometimes I don't feel anything at all. It's past the point where an "I'm sorry" would do anything, I think. It wouldn't change anything and I don't know if I would want it to. Is it possible to fully erase someone from your memory? You can throw out everything they ever gave you, every letter written..but does it help? Those are all just material possessions. I can't decide if I'm being bitter and I don't really think I care. You're supposed to remember all the good memories in life, but how are you supposed to do that when it leads to something else. What the something else is..I'm not sure. A feeling? A thought? Sense of regret? I don't know. All I know is that there has to be a better ending than this. This really isn't all that there is. It can't be. However, I do take full responiblility as to how things are. If I wanted to change things, I could've. I didn't. I just sat back and watched it all crumble. If I could change how I acted would I? Too many questions. Too many "what if's" I might be on the verge of insanity, but things will get better. They have to.

Posted at 09:58 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 1 comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: upset

music: silence

I feel like such a selfish person sometimes. I don't know what to do with myself. Sometimes I believe I'm destined to be alone, by myself..and that's how I want it to be. Sometimes I am content with this feeling. I want to go to a place where no one knows me. Some place where I don't have to always worry about things and I guess, just live on my own. I suppose that would be terribly lonely, but some of the times it sounds really appealing to me. I do believe I am talking in riddles, at least to myself. No matter what I do or how hard I try at something, there is always someone better. No matter what. Someone is always faster, stronger, better looking, or anything else. What hurts is when you actually think you have something right for once, and then you realize that someone is there to show you up, once again. Such a disappointment..which I hate dealing with. Like, why do I even try sometimes? I really don't know and I hate that. Disappointment, I feel, is one of the worst feelings. However, that's just me. Becoming a hermit and not having to deal with anyone or any feelings sounds so wonderful right about now.

Posted at 10:04 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 2 comments | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: sad

music: the bled

i haven't updated this in awhile.

i'm thinking about just using this as my public journal..i don't know.

i'm think i'm okay with being a lifegaurd. i wish i didn't have to wait till march to start training. i want a job now. i'd rather be out working and actually making money than sitting on my ass at days at a time.

i really need to leave altoona. there isn't anything going for me here. i can't stand my house, i hang out with no one, and if you add those two together it ends up with me staying at my house, all weekend, with a family that i hate. and i can't even do anything about it. i'm content with not having a best friend anymore. i think i've become numb to the feeling of being left out, so it really doesn't bother me. this is a good step for me. i remember when i used to have a million girlfriends, and i always had something to do and people to have good times with. i'm sick of having people make me feel like shit and i'm sick of the shitty state that i'm in. i suppose it's better to remember the good times, and not dwell on the present.
"it can't rain all the time."

my mom thinks that i have dibeates (sp) i wouldn't be surprised. she might take me to the doctors soon, i don't know.

i keep staying home from school. it seems like my mom doesn't even care anymore when i say "mom i don't feel good" when i really just don't feel like going. it surprises me how she doesn't ask me a million questions and then forces me to go. i should probably stop missing school, but i have no push to go anymore.

hank brought me an eatnpark cookie.

Posted at 07:18 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 3 comments | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: enraged

music: murder = loves fate

Something.



People really do never change.

They just get better at pretending that they have.

And you are a fool for falling for it.

Everyone.

Posted at 12:28 am | Link | Leave a comment | 1 comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: melancholy

music: land locked blues

i feel no one is there anymore.
like when i look at peoples faces i see just empty blank places, instead of friends or emotions. it really saddens me, but i guess that is what happens when people get older and grow apart. i'm not excited for my birthday. i think halloween is on the same day, but i will probably stay in my house for both, anyways. i'm not really sure when or why my life started going down this road, but i don't like it. i should become a hermit.

Posted at 08:27 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 2 comments | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: blank

when everything gets lonely i can be my own best friend.

Posted at 01:55 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: pessimistic

music: i've only ever loved myself, but i've loved myself so well

tick-tock goes the clock.

waiting.

waiting.

waiting.



this is going to be good.

Posted at 09:32 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: upset

music: the terrible secert

It feels like things are changing..I feel like I'm being left behind from something.
I don't like knowing that I hurt peoples feelings. I think I need to go on the downlow for a few weeks with certain things.
I think I have pretty much closed off myself from everyone around me. It's been like this for the longest time. I can't decide on whether this is a bad thing or not.
Whatever.

Posted at 11:50 am | Link | Leave a comment | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend

mood: moody

friends only


comment to be added

Posted at 07:19 pm | Link | Leave a comment | 27 comments | Add to Memories | Tell a Friend